B & E
Ohhhh shux.....
Ok. So coming back from lunch today, I got pretty stoked when I noticed the North Booger Haller public pool was being drained. I said something along the lines of "that thing's gonna get skated tonight!" And then back to work I went and forgot all about it until driving back by on the way home.
I got my W2 today, so I started trying to do my taxes, but I was missing a couple stock purchase confirmations I'd need to fill out the capital gains schedule D form. I looked everywhere, 'to no avail'. "Maybe they're at the office."
So as I'm about to walk out the door, I remember the pool and grab my board. It's about 10pm as I'm heading from Booger Haller to North Booger Haller to see about those tax papers. I get to the cross roads where, there in the darkness, an empty pool sits waiting to be ridden. I make my decision and turn right.
This pool is right next to the North Booger Haller McPark. I park in front of the 'Park Closes At Dark' sign, get out and head around to the back of the pool house. Sure 'nuff, she's empty... unfortunately, it goes from what looks like a 3' shallow end to maybe a 5' deep end and it is completely square and useless to me. What a let down!
Just as I'm about to walk away, the place suddenly sounds like there's incoming scud missles in Jerusalem. "What the?!?!?" I trot back to the truck and just as I back out I see a cop car slam into a u-turn. He bee-lines to me at high speed, lights and siren blazing and blaring. In a second they're out with guns and flashlights drawn and I'm about to shit my pants.
I got my hands up off the top of the steering wheel, cause I ain't down for getting shot over this. He demands the window down and ID. I comply. The flash light is burning my retina, but at least he's put his gun away. The other cop's around back looking at my plates. "Kill the motor! What were you doing back there?!?"
I told him I was just looking at the pool.
"JUST LOOKING AT THE POOL?!?!?!"
"Yeah, I wanted to skate it... I saw it being emptied today... and..."
"WHERE'D YOU GO?"
I point "right back there..." The other cop shines his light in my back window; "Well, he does have a skateboard..."
"Did you jump the fence?" Three more cop cars pull up surrounding.
"No sir, when I saw it was square and no good for me I was leaving when the alarm went off".
They go huddle up to figure out what to do. "Says he was just going to skate the pool..." the first cop mutters. I can't help but laugh at myself now in this fusterCluck of a situation and one of the cops that just arrived seems to notice. This is the guy that gives cops a bad name. The one with a chip on both shoulders. He's staring me down now. "Haven't I had to talk to you before?"
"No sir."
"Yeah I have, I've had trouble with you before."
"No sir."
"I didn't catch you jumping the fence to the skatepark last week?"
"No." I drop the sir, now. This dude doesn't deserve respect. He's an asshole with a Napolean complex. Small man. Big mouth.
"Well I've seen you before. I've had to talk to you before... Have I pulled you over?"
"No, but I had a wreck last year, maybe it was then." He glares, says he doesn't think so and is sure that he's had trouble from me before. The first cop comes back, while two of the others go to finally shutoff the alarm.
"You know I can take you in for breaking and entering based on your statement?"
"Yes, sir... I'm sorry, man. I had no idea this would be such a big deal... my bad..."
He flashes his light in my back window again and notices my laptop bag this time. "You work at XXXXXX?" - "Yes, sir." - "I thought I recognized that bag, my wife has one; works in IT". - "That's where I work..." I know I'm going to get away now, when the asshole-cop pokes his snout back in. Now he remembers... He's sure now that he's kicked me out of "West Park" and confiscated my board...
"No. I've never seen you in my life... and..." Cooler cop steps back in, while the pig stares me down some more - he'd cuff me and slam me around on the hood of his car if it were up to him. Cool cop tells me he's going to let me go, "cause this would look bad on you at XXXXXX"... but he bans me from the park - the skatepark, the pool, the picnic area, the basketball courts... Pig's pissed he didn't get to billy-club me and assures me that he better not have any reason to ever see me again in North Booger Haller. Says he'd "a booked" me.
They get in their cars and leave. I leave.
The End
Ok. So coming back from lunch today, I got pretty stoked when I noticed the North Booger Haller public pool was being drained. I said something along the lines of "that thing's gonna get skated tonight!" And then back to work I went and forgot all about it until driving back by on the way home.
I got my W2 today, so I started trying to do my taxes, but I was missing a couple stock purchase confirmations I'd need to fill out the capital gains schedule D form. I looked everywhere, 'to no avail'. "Maybe they're at the office."
So as I'm about to walk out the door, I remember the pool and grab my board. It's about 10pm as I'm heading from Booger Haller to North Booger Haller to see about those tax papers. I get to the cross roads where, there in the darkness, an empty pool sits waiting to be ridden. I make my decision and turn right.
This pool is right next to the North Booger Haller McPark. I park in front of the 'Park Closes At Dark' sign, get out and head around to the back of the pool house. Sure 'nuff, she's empty... unfortunately, it goes from what looks like a 3' shallow end to maybe a 5' deep end and it is completely square and useless to me. What a let down!
Just as I'm about to walk away, the place suddenly sounds like there's incoming scud missles in Jerusalem. "What the?!?!?" I trot back to the truck and just as I back out I see a cop car slam into a u-turn. He bee-lines to me at high speed, lights and siren blazing and blaring. In a second they're out with guns and flashlights drawn and I'm about to shit my pants.
I got my hands up off the top of the steering wheel, cause I ain't down for getting shot over this. He demands the window down and ID. I comply. The flash light is burning my retina, but at least he's put his gun away. The other cop's around back looking at my plates. "Kill the motor! What were you doing back there?!?"
I told him I was just looking at the pool.
"JUST LOOKING AT THE POOL?!?!?!"
"Yeah, I wanted to skate it... I saw it being emptied today... and..."
"WHERE'D YOU GO?"
I point "right back there..." The other cop shines his light in my back window; "Well, he does have a skateboard..."
"Did you jump the fence?" Three more cop cars pull up surrounding.
"No sir, when I saw it was square and no good for me I was leaving when the alarm went off".
They go huddle up to figure out what to do. "Says he was just going to skate the pool..." the first cop mutters. I can't help but laugh at myself now in this fusterCluck of a situation and one of the cops that just arrived seems to notice. This is the guy that gives cops a bad name. The one with a chip on both shoulders. He's staring me down now. "Haven't I had to talk to you before?"
"No sir."
"Yeah I have, I've had trouble with you before."
"No sir."
"I didn't catch you jumping the fence to the skatepark last week?"
"No." I drop the sir, now. This dude doesn't deserve respect. He's an asshole with a Napolean complex. Small man. Big mouth.
"Well I've seen you before. I've had to talk to you before... Have I pulled you over?"
"No, but I had a wreck last year, maybe it was then." He glares, says he doesn't think so and is sure that he's had trouble from me before. The first cop comes back, while two of the others go to finally shutoff the alarm.
"You know I can take you in for breaking and entering based on your statement?"
"Yes, sir... I'm sorry, man. I had no idea this would be such a big deal... my bad..."
He flashes his light in my back window again and notices my laptop bag this time. "You work at XXXXXX?" - "Yes, sir." - "I thought I recognized that bag, my wife has one; works in IT". - "That's where I work..." I know I'm going to get away now, when the asshole-cop pokes his snout back in. Now he remembers... He's sure now that he's kicked me out of "West Park" and confiscated my board...
"No. I've never seen you in my life... and..." Cooler cop steps back in, while the pig stares me down some more - he'd cuff me and slam me around on the hood of his car if it were up to him. Cool cop tells me he's going to let me go, "cause this would look bad on you at XXXXXX"... but he bans me from the park - the skatepark, the pool, the picnic area, the basketball courts... Pig's pissed he didn't get to billy-club me and assures me that he better not have any reason to ever see me again in North Booger Haller. Says he'd "a booked" me.
They get in their cars and leave. I leave.
The End
posted by Billy at 10:25 PM
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